I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
