I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize