My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
