Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
