Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
