Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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