It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
