Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
