it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A bitchslap is in order.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize