how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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