upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
