He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
