Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
