And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
