i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
