VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had to cum in my sink.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
