He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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