Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
