I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
