You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
