BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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