ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
