On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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