somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
