Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
