i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
