Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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