I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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