How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
