I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
