I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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