Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
