ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
