I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
