If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
