my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no, he came in my armpit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
