is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
