I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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