I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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