OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
