I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
