She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
