i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
