Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got inside last night via doggy door
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
