We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who died my cat blue again?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
