I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We talked him into tasing himself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
