I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
