Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
