i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
