If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize