just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
