kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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