I just pynch a tree in the face
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
