he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
