She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
