hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
