i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize