I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
