I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
