I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
