What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
