I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
