4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
