I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
