I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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