Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
