this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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