just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
