I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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