my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
