why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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