You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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