I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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