does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
