I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
