a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
