who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
