She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
