Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
