I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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