My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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