hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize