i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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