He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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