ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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