So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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