My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
