I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
