I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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