i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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