i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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