We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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