Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
