I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
