Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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