I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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