I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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