May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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