am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
