3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
