So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
