He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He felt like a one man threesome
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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