I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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