Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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