Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
