complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm at about main and main street
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
