The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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