can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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