Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
