I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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