So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
