But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You left your phone here
Wait...
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