u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
