Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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