I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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